


Teach Me How to Say Goodbye

by Sanctuaria



Series: Celebrating AoS Season 7 (with angst and hurt/comfort) [18]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 'Simmons voice' hell no I'm not ready! i'm about to kill May, Angst, Empath!May, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Old Age, Philinda - Freeform, Post-Canon, mama may, philindaisy, season 7, sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanctuaria/pseuds/Sanctuaria
Summary: “Daisy, we need you to come home. It’s looking like…well, it’s looking like there’s not as much time as we thought.It’s May.”
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Robin Hinton & Melinda May
Series: Celebrating AoS Season 7 (with angst and hurt/comfort) [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764745
Comments: 83
Kudos: 113





	Teach Me How to Say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nazezdha321](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nazezdha321/gifts), [edgeoflights](https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgeoflights/gifts).



> For Nazezdha321, in anticipation of the final chapter of DD. (No rush. Please, no rush 👀😳)
> 
> And for Agentofmarvel084, because of that fatal disease AU you kept hitting me with snippets of. You deserve this. 
> 
> And yes, Ellie, this is now affectionately unofficially titled “Death is Inevitable” because you had NO IDEA that I what I was writing was this when you suggested that name to me, and I cackled for like half an hour <3

_“Daisy, we need you to come home. It’s looking like…well, it’s looking like there’s not as much time as we thought._

_It’s May.”_

* * *

The shrill sound of sirens slammed into her as she hurried up the front steps. The scorching, humid heat of Washington, D.C. in the summer clung to her skin like a wet blanket—especially after so many months of the chilly, processed air of Zephyr Three in space—and only added to the sheen of panicked sweat coating her forehead. Daisy banged through the front doors of the hospital, blasted by a rush of cool air-conditioning that only made her nerves tingle with the sudden temperature change. The lights blurred and burned her eyes, spinning around her retinas; the hospital chatter barely registered above the dull roaring in her ears. Other patrons appeared to flurry around her while her limbs felt as if they were moving as if through a thick, viscous liquid. Her agent-instincts took stock of the others in the lobby without her permission—a family of five huddled around a coughing child, a boy screaming around a broken arm, an old man alone in a worn wheelchair, two white-lipped sisters with their hands clenched in their laps.

Ignoring them all, Daisy hurried to the front desk, forcing herself not to run. She couldn’t be too late. Coulson would have told her. Told her if…

_Unless he’s sitting with her right now_ , a small, fearful voice inside of her said. _Unless she’s already gone…_

“Hi, I’m here to see Melinda May,” Daisy told the woman in pale blue scrubs, crushing that voice deep down inside her.

“May, M-A-Y?” the woman asked, typing it into her computer.

She nodded. “Yes.” Her fingers clenched and unclenched, nails digging into her palms as she watched the reflection of the computer screen in the nurse’s glasses. “She’s in the ICU, I-I think,” Daisy added, anything to speed up the process. Her heart pounded in her chest and she felt like she was a twenty-four-year-old rookie again, not the seasoned agent and occasional superhero she was now, facing down bad guys across the galaxy.

The enter key clacked, and the nurse’s eyes flicked upward to Daisy’s over the rim of her glasses. “Are you family?”

_Are you family?_

“I—” The words choked in her throat. May was… May was her S.O. Her mentor, her teacher, her friend. The person she went to when things got hard, who took her hand and led her through the motions of tai chi, who had sat with her when she first got her powers because she wasn’t afraid. She was Daisy’s rock and her solid ground, in S.H.I.E.L.D. and in life.

But _are you family?_

“I—”

“She’s her daughter,” someone said, and an immediate wave of relief washed over Daisy at the sound of his voice. There he was, coming up to the other side of the desk, a dark blue polo over black pants, looking every bit the same as he had fifteen years ago.

“Coulson,” she said, her own breaking slightly.

“Room 136,” the nurse said. “I trust you know where it is?”

“We do, thank you,” he said, approaching Daisy and putting his hand on her shoulder. She threw her arms around him immediately. He hugged her back just as tightly, warm and solid even if the vibrations she could sense from his body had never been the same as the flesh-and-blood Coulson they’d lost in Tahiti so long ago.

“Is she—?” Daisy mumbled into his shoulder.

“She’s sleeping,” he assured her.

Daisy pulled back. “Sleeping? Not…” She couldn’t even finish the thought.

“She mostly sleeps these days,” he told her gently. His hand pressed comfortingly on the small of her back as he began to lead her down the hallway, past harried-looking nurses and the wan faces of families visiting their loved ones. The steady beeping of a dozen heartbeat monitors spilled out into the hallway from all directions, and the air took on a sterile, antiseptic smell. Coulson stopped at a room marked ’136,’ then gestured for her to go ahead. Her fingers closed on the cool metal of the door handle and then paused, looking back at him for reassurance, unsure of what she might find.

Daisy pushed open the door.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

May lay on the hospital bed, propped up against the pillows and a blanket drawn halfway over her body. One hand lay atop it, wires and cords and tubes extending from it back into the machines monitoring her heart rate. Her eyes were closed, her chest rising and falling softly, and her black hair was mixed with gray.

Lying in that bed, she looked smaller than Daisy had ever seen her.

She was vaguely aware of Coulson pulling up a chair for her by the scraping sound of metal against linoleum, and she sank into it gratefully. She reached for May’s hand, her skin warm and softer than she remembered it, less the hands of a warrior than that of a professor. “…May?” Daisy tried, her voice cracking. The woman slept on, her fingers slack within Daisy’s.

“She’s in and out,” he told her. “The doctors say it will only get worse, from here. That’s why we called you.”

“But Jemma?” Daisy asked. “There has to be something we can do—I mean, we’re S.H.I.E.L.D.—”

“Jemma is here with Fitz, staying with Bobbi and Hunter. She’s been here since last week, and she agrees with the doctor’s assessment.”

“But…May’s strong, right?” she said, voice trembling. “She’s only seventy, and May’s strong, she can’t die yet—she has _time_ —”

“She’s been strong all her life,” Coulson said softly. “She’s put her body through the ringer and back, every day for fifty years. And those old injuries…” The implications hung there for a moment, and she turned back to May’s slack, lined face, half expecting her eyes to open, to hear her refute the statement with three deadpan words and the barest trace of a smirk playing around her mouth just to tease him. May was their protector, the one who got knocked down and always got back up again, whether it was rebar through the leg or a sword through the chest. May survived, and she kicked the ass of whatever was trying to kill her. That’s how it worked.

A world without May was…unthinkable.

“I’m not ready,” Daisy whispered. “Please, May, I’m not ready.” She felt his hand warm on her back as her head dipped low, the first tears slipping down her face.

Coulson answered for her, hugging her tight. “I know, Daisy. I know.”

* * *

The others floated in and out. Jemma, a cup of tea in her hands that she pressed into Daisy’s, eyes red and sad. Fitz, holding the hands of their children. Mack, his head bowed in prayer. Elena with a home cooked meal for both of them that she barely tasted, only vaguely aware of the faint burn in her mouth and the sudden warmth in her stomach. Bobbi, Hunter. Piper and Davis. Flint.

Some came once, others more than once. They said their goodbyes again and again, no one knowing how much time might be left. May awoke a few times, speaking a few words before drifting off again. Doctors came in and out as well, speaking about _oxygen levels_ and _organ failure_ and _making her comfortable_.

Daisy and Coulson remained.

They sat on opposite sides of the bed now, Daisy’s muscles drawn tight as she hunched as close to the bed as possible, still holding May’s hand. Coulson gazed at her face, his exact thoughts unreadable except for the overall image of a deep, inexpressible sadness.

_“Daisy,” May had said one of the times she had awakened, eyes finally focusing on her and a warm smile spreading over her face. “You’re back. How was space?”_

_“It was good,” she tried to tell her. “May, I would have come back sooner if I’d known—”_

_But she was already drifting off again, eyes closing. “That’s good…”_

“I thought it would be easier,” Coulson said quietly, and Daisy lifted her gaze to look at him, startled by the admission. “I thought it would be easier, when we had fifteen years instead of four weeks in Tahiti. Fifteen beautiful, sunlit years…” His eyes met hers. “But it’s never enough.”

Daisy shook her head. “No. No, it’s not.”

He sighed, a defeated sound that made her stomach twist up even more in knots. He’d never looked so _worn_. “I’m not ready either, Daisy. I tried to be. For her. For _you_. But watching her get older, while I just stayed the same…watching her get sick…”

_“I will watch all of you die, one by one. Everyone I love.”_

She stood up, moving swiftly around the end of the bed, reaching for him. “You don’t have to pretend anything with me,” she told him. “It’s enough that you’re here.” Because that had been his choice, and she knew it hadn’t been guaranteed.

“I love her, Dais,” he said quietly, and she thought her heart just might break from the pain of it.

“I know,” she said, kneeling down and gripping his free hand as tightly as she possibly could. “I—”

There was a knock at the door, just before it opened with a small bang. “Who—?” Daisy turned to see a young woman with messy, shoulder-length blonde hair shrouding her face and a harried-looking older woman behind her, who she recognized immediately.

“I’m sorry to barge in,” Polly Hinton said, looking apologetically at them both, frozen in their seats. “She just insisted we come…”

“Robin,” Daisy said, eyes shifting to the girl. She’d grown so much since she’d last seen her—she knew she and May kept in touch more than Daisy and Robin had when she went off to space, but the girl was grown up in a way she hadn’t expected, and yet very clearly the same Robin she had known—head down, gangly limbs and a blank stare that indicated she was still in her own world, far away from here.

A desperate hope pricked Daisy’s chest. Robin was the seer, she was the one who could see a way out of this if anyone could. “Robin,” Daisy said, standing and coming toward her, stopping right in front of her. She was the same height as Daisy now but still stared at the linoleum. “Robin…is there a way to save May?” She shuffled to the side without looking at her, as if trying to edge around her toward the bed, but Daisy moved to block her way. “Robin, I need to know if there’s a way to save her.”

A frown creased the young woman’s brow, and she tried to step around her again, and this time Daisy let her, her arms falling to her sides. Robin stood at the head of the bed, staring down at May’s sleeping form.

“I’m sorry,” Polly apologized, sympathy pooled in her brown eyes. “She still doesn’t—”

“This is the last day,” Robin said, and Daisy turned back to her, a chill filling her bones at the words. Robin lifted her head, meeting Daisy’s gaze. “This is the day it all ends.”

“No,” Daisy breathed, but Robin had already dropped her head back to stare unceasingly at May, her blonde hair falling in front of her face again. The weight of it slammed into Daisy full force, hope discarded and shredded, because the last time Robin had said that…the last time Robin had said that…

Her fingers clutched at Coulson’s shoulder, her hands shaking, her entire body wracked with tremors, the irony of which she would have appreciated in any other situation, but not now. Not when May…

Silence filled the room, broken only by the steady _beep…beep…beep…_ of the heart monitor. Looking uncomfortable to be infringing upon their grief, Polly edged around them and tried to draw Robin up a chair that she would not take, still staring down at May with her arms held stiffly at her sides. Waiting.

Waiting for what? For her to wake up? For her to die? Daisy swallowed, tears threatening to spill over onto cheeks still stiff with salt. Had she even said goodbye the last time May was awake? Had she told her she loved her? She thought May knew, but what if that had been her last chance?

_“Daisy,” May said, opening the door, eyebrows lifting in surprise. Coulson sidled up behind her, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and she turned to him. “Did you have something to do with this?”_

_“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mel,” he said._

_“Sorry to just show up,” she said. “I missed your birthday last month, the Kree were making trouble again in sector three again, but I thought I could make it up to you with Chinese New Year…”_

_“I’m always happy to see you, Dais,” May assured her, opening her arms._

_Daisy hugged her tight. “Gung hei fat choy, Ma Ma.”_

She squeezed her eyes shut, her hands now clenched in a vice grip on Coulson’s arm. The anticipation, the uncertainty was so much worse than in the field, surrounded by the sound of gunfire. In the field, any one of them could drop at any moment, sure, but there wasn’t time to dwell on that—there was always another enemy to quake, another punch to dodge, another bad guy to stop. But here there was nothing to do but wait, wondering if each quiet breath would be her last, if the next minute the woman who taught her how to fight, how to survive, how to live with her own demons would be gone. Forever.

_“People arrive, so we celebrate, and people leave us, so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between, but the cycle is always there.”_

“Robin, sweetie,” Polly said quietly, “I’ll give it to him.” Daisy looked up to see Robin hand a tightly folded piece of paper to her mother from her pocket without even looking at her, and Polly slowly approached them. “She wanted her to have this when she…” She gave Coulson an apologetic look, handing him the paper. “…when she is buried. I’m sorry to bring it up…” He quelled her apologies with a kind, understanding smile that did not reach his eyes, then unfolded the piece of paper. “It’s all she’s worked on for weeks.”

It was a drawing. Still in crayon, but much improved from the stick-figure scribblings of a seven-year-old. The side profile of two faces: May on the right, gazing downward with a soft look on her face, and the young Robin Daisy had known looking up at her from the left. Space was drawn between them out the window, stars and asteroids and what might have been the edge of a cracked-apart Earth, but it was clear none of that mattered to the May and Robin in the picture. All they needed was each other.

Tears burned Daisy’s eyes again.

“I’ll make sure she has it,” Coulson promised, his voice shaking. “She would like that.” Polly nodded gratefully, and he folded the drawing back up, placing it carefully in his shirt pocket. Daisy looked back at May’s lined face, serene and peaceful.

The idea of a burial loomed in her mind, the finality of it.

How could she ever be ready to just…say goodbye?

_“Arms up,” May said, and Skye hurried to follow her instructions. The woman’s hands flitted between her shoulders, elbows, and wrists, correcting her pose, her stance. “Good,” she said with an approving nod. “Remember the breathing exercises. Deep, from your belly.” Skye immediately corrected, pulling in a slow, deep breath as May demonstrated the flowing motion into the next pose._

_“May?” Skye asked hesitantly. “Can I ask you a question?” The specialist gave a small incline of her head. “Why—why did you agree to be my S.O.?” Her face flushed. “I didn’t—I didn’t think you_ liked _me.”_

_May stared at her for a few seconds, non-expression unreadable as always, and anxiety spiked even further in Skye’s chest. She shouldn’t have asked, maybe she would go back to Coulson now and say she wouldn’t do it… “You wanted to be an agent,” she said._

_“…Yeah?”_

_May turned away, falling into the next pose as if her body had been made for it. “And I like you plenty, Skye. Now, left foot up, balance…”_

May stirred, her arm shifting, and Daisy and Coulson both jolted forward in anticipation, huddling as close to the bed as they could get. _Please wake up_ , Daisy thought, breathing subsumed by a sudden tightness in her chest. May’s eyes wandered beneath her eyelids before slowly cracking open, revealing familiar dark brown irises. Her face lit up with warmth as they settled on Coulson. “Phil…”

“Hi, Mel,” he said, squeezing her hand and brushing a few stray hairs off her forehead.

“Mom?” Robin asked in a small voice from the other side of the bed, sounding like the child Daisy had once known. “Mom?”

May turned, twisting her head to look at her. “Robin?” she said wonderingly. “You’re here.”

“You said we were special,” Robin told her, hurt seeping through every syllable. “You said we never had to say goodbye.”

“…Robin,” May said, eyes glistening. “Honey, no. You have your whole life to live.” Her arm lifted unsteadily, wires and tubes trailing behind it, but her fingertip came to rest on the young woman’s temple. “I’ll always be with you. Right here.” It dropped to Robin’s chest, brushing over her heart. “And right here.” Her arm fell back to the bed, and Robin gazed at her a few seconds more before launching herself at Polly.

“I can’t watch,” she cried into her mother’s shirt. “I don’t want to see it again, I can’t watch…”

_This is the last day._

_This is the day it all ends._

“May,” Daisy choked out, grief churning within her like a tempest, and May turned to face her, the movement slow and careful. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay,” May told her gently.

“No, it—it’s not, there’s so much I want to tell you—so much I want to thank you for—I love you so much— _May_ —”

“I know, Daisy,” May rasped, her lips barely moving. Her palm opened atop the bedspread. “Give me your hand.”

Daisy did, salt water overflowing wet and hot onto her cheeks. May’s grip was firmer than she expected, maybe the last of her once resolute strength. Her forehead creased with the contact, May’s eyes closing briefly and then opening again, this time filled to the brim with tears. “Oh, Daisy…”

The feeling swelled; she was drowning in it, and dragging May down with her… “I’m sorry,” Daisy whispered brokenly. “I’m sorry, I’m just making it worse. I’m making you feel pain, and loss, and grief…”

May tilted her head slightly, giving her a look Daisy remembered well from the days of gentle reprimands from her S.O.

_No, Daisy. A little higher. Lean in with your left foot. Try again._

May’s eyes locked with hers. “The pain is love,” May told her, and Daisy bit her lip, her heart clenching endlessly in her chest. The fingers around hers slackened, letting go. “All I feel is love.”

_Beep… Beep…_

_…Beep…_

_…_

**Author's Note:**

> Pls don't kill me :)
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated!


End file.
